


Reckless Abandon

by swansongbird



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Character Death, M/M, Slow Burn, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-06
Updated: 2017-06-06
Packaged: 2018-11-09 20:18:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11112093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swansongbird/pseuds/swansongbird
Summary: After sinking the ship with his friends, Akira heads home to rest up. Along the way he sees Akechi again, who is much different than before: he can't summon his persona.





	Reckless Abandon

**Author's Note:**

> Please enjoy it!

“Geez, Ryuji!” Ann’s voice cracked like thunder under the night sky, “we thought you died!”

 

She shoved the boy before storming in the opposite direction. While everything was playful, they all knew how scared they were to lose him. As the party began to follow her Akira couldn’t help but ponder the events that day.

 

They’d finally defeated Shido and brought that ship ablaze. It was liberating to finally have won, but a part of him still ached. He couldn’t forget the look Akechi wore before shutting the gate on them. His pained expression was burned into Akira’s vision and anytime he closed his eyes it was all he could see anymore.

 

Akira failed Akechi. He failed to protect him. And it hurt to live with that. The pain of someone you cared for choosing to die felt like a knife in the chest.

 

As the group walked together, eventually one by one, they all went their separate ways. The Leblanc was the furthest away, so it was natural for Akira to be one of the last to say goodbye.

 

“Akira-kun, Mona-chan,” Haru’s light voice broke through the silent stroll they were having, “I wanted to thank you both… For everything”

 

Haru rarely talked in such a serious tone, but Akira could sense the gratitude and love in her voice. He gave her a soft smile and nodded his head, but before he could say anything Morgana burst with his own words of admiration.

 

“Of course! But we couldn’t have done it without you too!” Morgana exclaimed, wearing a great big grin from ear to ear.

 

Akira wanted to join in on the happy moment they had, but the lingering anxiety and regret in him felt like a heavy weight inside him. As the two continued to talk, Akira couldn’t help but relive his last moments with Akechi in his head.

 

It hurt to think about, but it was all he could focus on anymore. Did he say the wrong thing? What did he do wrong? It hurt so much to watch Akechi choose to be alone even until the end.

 

As they neared the intersection, Morgana’s voice broke Akira’s train of thought, “Hey, I’m gonna go with Haru tonight. You look like you need some time alone.”

 

Haru gave him a bright smile, before nodding her head; they knew something was wrong. Maybe they were right, he needed to sort his head out.

 

“But I!” he paused, he was wearing his heart on his sleeve, “I-I understand,” Akira felt weak admitting it. The were right. As they parted ways, Akira couldn’t help but look up at the night sky and thought to himself. He thought about what Akechi had said.

 

Why couldn’t they have met earlier?

 

Akira shook his head at the thought, sitting in regret wouldn’t help. Akira continued on his way home, sleep would help cool him down. As he cut through the tight spaces of the alleyway he saw a dark figure hunched over with its back against a wall. The dim light of the lamp overhead cast down on the person like a spotlight.

 

Akira recognized those clothes, it had to be Akechi.

 

Instead of rushing over, he felt like his legs had locked up; every step felt strained and sluggish, like he was walking through water. Was his mind playing tricks on him? His heart felt like it stopped beating, the only sound left was the faint hum of the electricity flowing through the lamp.

 

When Akira finally got over to them all he could do was stare, it really was him. But he looked different, his face was ghost white and his expression he wore looked like he was in pain. It looked like he was having a nightmare.

 

“A-Akechi?” Akira stuttered out.

 

No answer.

 

Akira brought his hand to Akechi’s neck to feel his pulse, he could feel Akechi ice cold skin as he searched for his heartbeat. He couldn’t feel anything.

 

In that moment, Akira’s own heart felt like it had stopped. He had to do something. It didn’t matter anymore, anything would do. He laid the brunette down and began to open up his suit jacket, maybe something Takemi taught him might be of use. Akira began to push down onto Akechi’s chest. Maybe he was doing it wrong, maybe he was too late, but he didn’t care. He needed to try something.

 

He pushed at Akechi chest for what felt like whole minutes, maybe it was hours, time felt frozen. Maybe he was too late again.

 

Suddenly, Akechi’s body twitched forward with life. He looked reanimated for a second, but the gasp of air he took was a good sign. Akira could feel his heart jump in his chest, Akechi was okay. Akira let out a deep breath of relief, his adrenaline rush from fear was dying down now.

 

Akechi still felt cold, he needed to bring him back to the Leblanc.

 

Akira picked him up and let his arm hang around his shoulders as he carried him home.

 

When they finally arrived it was so late Sojiro had already left and as they passed Takemi’s clinic he noticed she was gone too. It was all up to him to keep Akechi safe. Akira’s thoughts felt scattered again, he didn’t know what to do. Takemi would’ve told him how to make everything better, or Sojiro would’ve given him something to help.

 

Akira could feel his palms grow sweaty, he needed to do something. He shoved the door open and quickly guided Akechi up the stairs, almost dragging him. Akechi had such little strength, Akira worried he might still be on the verge of death. When they finally climbed the stairs, Akira rested the detective onto the sofa and laid him down.

 

He needed to warm his body. Akechi’s icy temperature needed to be fixed before anything else.. Akira scrambled as he brought blanket after blanket to Akechi. He was so scared of losing him again. He could save him this time.

 

After a while Akira’s heart and mind began to calm down. His body felt like it was forcing him down at this point, his eyelids felt so heavy. He was already so exhausted from the fight with Shido and the stress of tonight wasn’t helping. Akira sat down on his bed nearby to try and put himself at ease.

 

Maybe he needed to rest like Akechi was doing, worrying wouldn’t help. Akira’s eyes struggled to stay open, the warm grip of sleep began to take hold of him. Soon enough Akira found himself fast asleep, but everything felt different. Something felt off.

 

It was difficult to sleep that night.

 

Akira felt like a jolt of electricity ran through him, like he was startled awake. His arm twitched in nervousness as his eyelids flickered open. He felt jumpy and skittish. Why? His eyes darted around the room to quickly scan it. Too dark. The room was pitch black, but he couldn’t sense any danger.

 

Maybe it was because of how the cold wind filled the room like a dense fog. Akira could feel goosebumps prickle his skin against the frosty air. Maybe the wind woke him. Akira rose to shut the window beside him a tad more before returning to sleep.

 

How many hours went by?

 

Again, Akira felt the anxiety of fear wake him; it felt like a pin pricked his skin all over. Akira’s eyes struggled to open this time, the pale blue light of the moon hurt to look at. Why was he so nervous? As Akira’s eyes adjusted to the moonlight he looked around the room again.

 

Everything was still.

 

The room was cool as a soft winter breeze slipped through the small crack left in the window. Such a quiet and peaceful night like this should’ve been pure bliss for how tired Akira was; but no matter what he did, a restlessness continued to claw at him. He knew why, it was hard to forget how odd it was to see the detective again.

 

Akira thought he’d died.

 

Akira looked over at Akechi, still resting on the sofa where he had placed him before. Was he really okay? Akira pondered the question in his head, he knew Akechi was likely still injured from their previous encounter and the fact that he still hadn’t woken up yet was concerning.

 

It was no use worrying about it now, tomorrow he’d figure out what to do. Akira closed his eyes to lull himself back to sleep.

 

How many hours was it this time? Two? Maybe three?

 

The electric shock was back, this time it felt like it scorched his skin. It felt different this time, it made his body tense up and he felt wide awake.  It felt like in that moment all of his senses came back, like the grogginess of sleep was gone.

 

Akira could now feel a weight on his chest; his body tensed up again, but this time his body told him to do so. Akira’s eyes quickly opened, as he looked up at the ceiling he saw a figure above him. Out of the pale light reflecting from the moon, Akira could barely make out Akechi’s face. He looked different, pale and lifeless, like he was a ghost. Before Akira could continue to study his face, Akechi brought his arms overhead.

 

A silver glare pierced Akira’s eyes, he knew what it was. The blue light of the moon reflected off the metallic shimmer of the kitchen knife Akechi wielded. A shiver ran down Akira’s spine, but before Akira could fully realize the situation he was in, Akechi slammed the blade downward.

 

Akira quickly shut his eyes in response, expecting the bitter pain; before he could think his body moved to defend himself. His arms pushed back at Akechi’s wrists, the sharp edge of the blade nearly impaling him.

 

Akira could feel the cold aura emanating from the knife as it inched closer to his throat, gritting his teeth as he continued to push back at the other boy. He could barely make out Akechi’s face during the struggle. The blue light of the night sky did little to help, but Akira could still see the misery in the expression Akechi wore.

 

“Why!?” Akechi’s hoarse voice cut through the silence of the room, “why did you take him from me!?”

 

Akira’s arms already felt sore from resisting and the added weight of Akechi on him made it hard to focus on what he was saying. Akira didn’t know what to respond with, his thoughts felt jumbled and messy. He knew Akechi would kill him if he didn’t act fast. Before Akira could answer, Akechi continued to scream at the boy.

 

“Give him back!”

 

Tears began to well up in his eyes as he loomed over Akira, his weight shifting to push the blade further down. Akira couldn’t see Akechi’s face, but his voice was all he needed to hear to know how he was feeling. He was scared. The Akechi he knew was so calm and confident, but the boy before him was wasn't at all the same, his voice was filled with fear and confusion. It hurt to hear him this way.

 

Akira’s voice felt trapped in his throat. He wanted to tell him it would be okay, he wanted to comfort him, to tell him everything would fix itself and whatever he needed they could get together. But Akira was afraid; he was afraid that he didn’t have the answer Akechi so desperately needed.

 

He could feel a faint knot in his chest as his fear began to set in. Akechi’s angle and his rage-filled strength was too much. Akira’s hands were sweaty and his heart was racing, he needed to try and reason with Akechi.

 

“W-wait! Akechi!” Akira begged, “Akechi please!”

 

Akechi let out a low growl. Akira knew that the brunette had no hesitations on killing him if he spoke out of turn, but Akira was out of options. He knew he couldn’t hold off Akechi much longer.

 

“I-I want to help,” Akira could feel the tip of the knife press against his neck as he spoke, “please, who was taken from you?”

 

Akechi’s ragged breaths filled the quiet room; his hair faintly obscured his face, but his pained eyes still reflected off the dim light in the room. His screams reverberated off the walls as he continued to yell at Akira.

 

“Loki! He’s gone! You took him away from me!” Akechi wailed out in agony as he pushed his weight further down, “I can’t feel him anymore!”

 

Akira could feel his heart pounding, as the tip of the knife pricked his neck and faintly drew blood. Akechi’s words didn’t make sense, was his persona gone? But how? Akira sat in confusion of the situation, still trying to make sense of it. Suddenly, Akechi’s voice filled the room, breaking his train of thought.

 

“Why couldn’t you have just let me die!?” Akechi’s voice was hoarse and his breathing was growing ragged as he choked down a sob. For a moment, there was nothing in the room but the sounds of breathing. The silence was unsettling. Just as Akira began to grow accustom to it Akechi continued, but he sounded much different this time.

 

“He abandoned me too,” his voice was lifeless, like he’d given up, “I have nothing now...”

 

Akira could feel his heart drop.

 

He didn’t know what to say; he knew Akechi was right. Akechi had lost everything. His mother was dead, his father wanted him dead, his image was a facade, and he lost the one thing that gave him strength. It wasn’t fair for him to have to shoulder this burden alone.

 

Tears began to well up in Akira’s eyes, it hurt to see him in such agony. It hurt to see Akechi so lost and so lonely. It hurt to watch as the world put him through this. Before Akira could stop himself his lips began to move on their own.

 

“Please… Akechi, let me help you. I promise I won’t leave you.”

 

Akira waited for an answer as they continued to push back at one another. It felt like minutes had passed by, all Akira could do was hope Akechi would stop. Suddenly, he felt the cold drops of tears fall from above him. Akira was about to speak, but before he could do so the blade quickly left his neck and hovered high overhead again before crashing down.

 

Akira slammed his eyes shut and his whole body tensed up upon realization of what was happening. He was going to die. Maybe his words didn’t get through to him in time, maybe he was too slow. Akira could feel his heart drop to the pit of his stomach. The pain of being stabbed would be nothing compared to the pain of knowing that he would die by the hand of someone he loved, someone he wanted to protect.

 

Akira felt like everything in that moment has stopped, like time was frozen.

 

‘I’m sorry’ Akira thought to himself. He was sorry he failed Akechi, sorry everyone would have to continue without him, but most of all, he was sorry he couldn’t be there for any of them anymore.

 

The creak of the bed felt like nails against a chalkboard, it pierced through the quiet; its sound lingering in the air.

 

Akira waited for the pain to set in, but it never came. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest, the only sound he could hear now was the thumping inside. He hesitantly opened his eyes only to see Akechi with his hands to his face sobbing. Still stunned, Akira’s eyes darted around the room; the blade was jammed into the bed beside his head.

 

Akechi’s red and tired eyes were visible through the cracks between his fingers, he looked so broken.

 

Akira was speechless, he wanted to comfort him but the words wouldn’t come out. Before he knew it, his body moved on it’s own and brought Akechi into a warm embrace. He could feel the boy’s heartbeat against his own as Akechi’s muffled cries filled the silence in the room.

 

Akechi’s body felt familiar, it felt like they held each other before in a different life. His warmth was soothing, but he seemed so small now. The grandeur Akechi once held was gone, all that was left was this vulnerable boy.

 

Akira continued to hold him for what felt like hours, he held him until the tears stopped and the only sounds left were their breathing.

 

Nothing was the same anymore.

 

Eventually, Akira saw a weak beam of sunlight creep into the room through the window. He looked over at Akechi and saw that he’d finally given into his exhaustion and fallen asleep. Akechi’s face was so different from what Akira was used to seeing. He had deep circles under his eyes and his face was stained with the remnants of tears.

 

The warm light of morning felt like it came early that day. Akechi’s pale face looked gold and vibrant under the rising sun. Akira felt a tightness in his chest, as if countless strings of thread surrounded his heart and were pulled tight. He felt guilty. Guilty that he hadn’t realized how lonely Akechi was. Guilty that he didn’t save Akechi in time. Guilty that he didn’t know what to do.

 

“I won’t leave you,” Akira whispered low, his voice nearly inaudible, “I promise...”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this was super out of my comfort zone lmao I'm used to writing smut but I hope you liked it.
> 
> I want to continue this I think haha but I'm not sure what to do? Do we have him get his persona back or do we say fuck it and leave him a sad mess?
> 
> Idk man. We'll see I guess.


End file.
